10 THINGS THAT FUCK ME RIGHT OFF.

1. SELFISHNESS
yes, everyone is selfish it's a righteous thing, you're entitled to not want to share your lunch, that's not selfish, that's hunger. Selfish is when you clearly owe a million gazillion kit kats yet you always ask to have mine, or the one that i bought for someone else (who, by the way. is always repaying me - it's a mutual thing). Bottom line, buy me a kit kat.

2. THE SLY IGNORE
i work in retail, so that's me, that lovely gal that pretty much jumps at you when you walk in the store "HEY HOW YOU GOING?" but seriously, a hello back is all i ask, just because im a sales assistant doesn't mean you can ignore me. ya faggy fagster. i'm looking at you, im standing her looking like a dick waiting for a reply from you, and there you go. walking right past me, clearly not acknowledging my hello. better watch it, because i'll tell you you look good in that hideous when really, you're lookin thick.

3. LIARS
oh sweet jesus. i like to think of myself as an honest person. which can stab me in the eye sometimes. But it's better, in the long run, and for you. When people lie it's like they are trying to impress you, yeah ya fakeness is so attractive. suck my balls and be brave. i want to hear the truth bitch.

5. MUSIC THRASHERS
wow, everyone feels this. EVERYONE. EVERYONE DECENT. everyone feels like this is THEIR album, or THEIR artist. and it's like a shit in the face when someone (who wears jay jays clothes, or who just generally is shit) says they like your song. or uses their lyrics in some tasteless way. i try to remind myself that music is for everyone. not really, top 40 is for everyone - everything else is obviously so much better and that's why it's only for a small cultmunity.

6. PEOPLE WITH ANNOYING VOICES
we all know someone with that nasal voice. that voice that you can hear in the hallway, the voice that echoes through the common room. the voice that is automatically associated with the phrase 'what. the. fuck'. The girl who says "she made my mum cry i mean like what, the, fuck. and she says that i don't work in class i mean what, the, fuck. like she says my grades are up but like i have a bad attitude. i mean what the fuck has my attitude got to do with my fucking grades." oh dear, please leave school. i don't understand why you're here with such an intellectual insight like that. go and make something of yourself. live out your dream.. become a beautician.

7. FAT KIDS
it's very hard to like fat children. i used to babysit this little fat girl, and she'd always insist we spend our time baking. sorry, 'little' one. i would have to think of crazy plans to get this kid to exercise so i'd make treasure hunts that would last an hour running all over the property. ironic how her brother was crazy good at tennis traveling to new caledonia and what not. so in hindsight, it did nothing because she would also insist that the reward for completing the treasure hunt was for her to have a 'treat'. and it's not like i could reward her with a god damn work out could i.

8. UNBALANCED RELATIONSHIPS
the hotty with the notty, the bitch with the most amazing nice guy ever. it's happening everywhere and it's stupid. now i'm not preaching about standards. I'm swaying more to the side of bitches with non bitches. what do those guys see in them? i mean other than her open vagina which is available to him 24sev. (totally understandable, you're boys. i get it). By unbalanced relationship i am referring to the blindness of people, do you not realise that she/he is totally cheating on you? Oh who're we kidding. you're only going out for the status. Oh sorry, the fuck.

9. MONEY
oh yeah we all hate money blah black hate that blah. let's see why: we all hate the poor kid in primary (awkward how this was me..) it brings down the shopping experience by a million trillion - yay new dress/gay no money left. we spend it whilst drunk on, more drinks, mcdonalds, sober drivers, taxi's, prostitute's jk. if money didn't exist what a happy world it would be (don't read into that - there are many faults.)

10. COPIERS
idea thieves! steez stealers! whatever you call it, this really get's to my core. like to the point where i cannot be friends with this person anymore. they're the damned of earth. i hate copiers so much that i don't talk to anyone in design or photography about my ideas too much because if some bitch tries to copy me i get crazy competitive and up my own ass paranoid that mine MUST be the best. I don't even look at other peoples because i get too scared i'll subconsciously copy it and i don't wanna be a hypocrite. Now there's an exception to copying, if they're blatantly admitting it, or they reference to your work, style WHATEVER - that's fine. but that secret stealer who claims it as their own hoping you won't realise that hang on, that looks a bit like mine..