hate lists, friend girl shit and what i think i know about life


1 being not very loser at all, 10 being, just fuck off.
*fortunately some only apply to hamilton xo

1. the guy who touches your ass (usually in town etc) before he has even asked your name/greeted you/seen your face.
heeeeeeeeeeey sexy chick, i'm a fun, playful, full of confidence kinda guy and i don't need no hey to touch you. by touching your ass, getting my finger near your SHIT HOLE and squeezing it like it was a casual crack up thing - i am showing you that i am a cheeky guy (scuse the pun) - if you turn around i'll casually disappear into the sea of jayjays t-shirts and sneakily watch you try to figure out who it was. this guy is just clueless, he obviously just wants your pussy for the night and you OBVIOUSLY (ha ha ha hamilton) don't want it back, but i'm not going to lie to you when i say that every time my ass has been grabbed, a small small very tiny bit of excitement builds up in my pelvis and i am very grateful for the fact that my ass was chosen out of a few hundred to be touched. in saying that - i have seen males do the line grab - a one by one touch and go of the friends ass they pass the bar - each girl thinking she was the 1 in a million ass. you're not great, but you're not entirely shit either mate - 6/10.

2. the mystery grinder
oh wow, this guy has been around since my year 10 social back in high school, he wore a hawaiian shirt and it was unbuttoned. i didn't see him - but a friend did. she was giving me the thumbs up so i happily rubbed my ass on his semi erect penis, my hands waving awkwardly in the air screaming to be witched or some shit. without knowing what he looked like i was loving my life! attention! a boy! my gelled back hair and fluoro leggings didn't know what to do with themselves. i turned around to see who this beautiful mystery man was - i was sure he'd be some basketball player with a ratty and a soft moe (*dreamy*). unfortunately i was unpleasantly surprised and ran away scared for my life. mystery grinders are EVERYWHERE, they're having a boogie with the the boys and as soon as you get eye contact or you touch them by accident on the d floor (and come the fuck on lets be real touching on the d floor is inevitable, sweat is pretty much just one big shared substance) THEY'RE IN FOR THE KILL - seriously it's like oh shit, my dicks touching your ass, oh shit my hands are wrapped around you, oh shit im going in to poke you, oh shit yeah, people are watching. FIRSTLY, how dare you grind me without my permission! and by permission i mean, you have to go through a quick courting process - eyes across the dance floor, smile, smile again, ignore for a bit, smile, get closer, then maybe, if you played the cards right - you can have a quick consented grind! only to be left looking like a dick while your eyes are closed and really getting into it. ha ha ha i'm imagining it now. guys are so shit. yuck, these boys are pretty common - and it's easy to get away from them so i guess they score pretty low 4/10 UNLESS THEY FOLLOW YOU AND ACTUALLY TRY TO POKE YOU 8/10 MATE! THERE'S A LINE!

3. the nelly ambassador
yeah, just because we're all in this sweaty little room and it's 'getting hot in heeer' does NOT mean that you have to take your top off. seriously i do NOT want to see your erect nipples as your sweat flings onto me while you so carelessly whip your body like it's some kind of .. fuck i don't even know. like - can you not? you may even be real cut and shit but i don't really see the attraction in hugging you then sliding off you. or you being on stage as i watch you slowly but surely peel off what used to be a singlet which is now just a fuckin RAG that is clinging to your skin for dare life. IS IT COLD IN HERE? BECAUSE YOU SEEM TO HAVE AN EXTREME CASE OF FRIPPLE!! EW EVEN WORSE WHEN HE WRAPS THE TOP AROUND HIS HEAD!WHAT IS THIS?!?!?! BROOKLYN?!?!!! IS THERE A REASON WHY YOU HAVE A DO-RAG ON YOUR HEAD YOU WANNABE!! damn son, this shit pisses me off - but i like laughing at you while i encourage you to embarrass yourself 8/10

4. mr alice
"i'm lost i can't find my mates im just gona hang out with you till i find them". YOOOOU DUMB SHIT. do you really think i am buying that? next it will be oh they just text me they left without me can i go home with you? NO. you're an annoying puppy and i want to dance with my friends, now i have you following us around and we barely even know each other. this is usually someone you don't know very well - they aren't a friend but perhaps you've seen them round a bit so i guess it's 'acceptable' for them to hang out with you. but damn this annoys me - chicks do it too. it's desperate and if your mates don't want to hang out with you then why would i? straight up, this isn't hard to rate 9/10.

5. bruno mars
sometimes i have a moment when i walk into a club and i scan the building to see whats up. sometimes i see some friends dry humping against the wall, an older man buying a blonde a drink, a sea of kids with glow sticks seizing again and again to dubsteb. all things i have become used to seeing, i almost worry when i don't! but on the off night (i repeat night, when it's dark, and it's nighttime because it has already been day and the sun has gone down and the moon has come up because it was the end of the day and now it is after DARK) i see SOME MOTHER FUCKER wearing sunglasses inside, i don't give a shit if they're ray bans mate, i don't even give a shit if you're pinging like a lunatic i DON'T care that you're fuckin blazed! TAKE THEM OFF YOU LOOK LIKE AN ABSOLUTE HOMO AND IT IS OBVIOUSLY NOT SUNNY INSIDE. ugh seriously. turn of x1000000000000000000000000 PEOPLE WHO (AREN'T BLIND AND) WEAR SUNNIES INSIDE AND AT NIGHT TIME ARE NUMBER ONE 10/10!!!!

hope you guys are living scandalously.
xoxo friend girl


  1. I LOVE post like these! They're so funny and truthfully. You've got a really natural writing style which is enjoyable to read :)

    I'm glad I found your blog!


  2. hey! thanks laura i love knowing what people think of my blog (love or hate). you've made ma day! haha