hate lists, friend girl shit and what i think i know about life


to the face

nice guys finish last
To make it in this world of fanny you need to be either a dick or a total shy boy with a weird sense of mysterious charm that makes us THINK about your dick. You need to stand out and chicks are just drawn to that, you'll notice all beautiful self respecting females right now are single and aren't getting fucked over by males because they know boys don't fully mature til they're like 24 (that's the rumour anyway) unfortunately arrogance is strangely attractive to me so fagginess is a plus. then again - ignore me and i'm yours ...

of course, i would love to taste BO as you whisper dubsteb derps in my ear
HEY I AIN'T EVEN TALKIN TO JUST THE MALES HERE! There is A SERIOUS issue right now. ok, change in season (both temp wise and it being summer so many people becoming single and hump ready) i see that this is inevitable but do you not have jobs? seriously how much is deo like $5 or some shit? god damn splurge out and get mitchum and your pits will dry out like the fuckin sahara. I have lost all faith in a clean society that doesn't result in me running from you!!!!  You may be sexy, Mr Long haired man dry grindin me to some fun rihanna song about being dirty and wet or whatever but i bet your penis smells worse than your pits and i mean - i'm drunk, but not that drunk.

exists dammit. i wish it upon no one. it's kind of like your holding a massive shit inside you for weeks and weeks and you feel like the only way you'll ever feel better is if you'll see them or touch them or be with them again. but you can't cos it's concrete shit. with the words 'deal with it' engraved on it. easiest way to describe it. but then do we describe a clingy relationship as diarrhea?? keeps on comin back with no space or time to let chu just sit down relax and enjoy ya day? ha ha ha

mysterious lady slayers
I've asked many a girl why he get's so much kitty and they're all puzzled - we always just decide that he has a big penis or he's real funny and he lures the women into the bedroom with their laughing euphoria (seriously that shit's like a high you can't resist) but WHAT is it ??? - it's almost like he is SO comfortable with his sexuality he could jump to the gay paddock and back on into the pussy pool. No offence man - you don't seem like bf material (YET) and it's not like you're a model but you will forever be this slightly far away guy who lives in my town and i feel like you've fucked everyone but me. don't know if i'm happy about this or offended.

boy gangs 
recently experienced what happens when guys hang out and was actually fascinated. i've had guy mates for a while but this was different, 3 of us girls and 5 guys we were kind of in the background. i felt like i wasn't a friend - i was the bitch they keep there and occasionally look at and talk to but mainly they said you could come so you could naked pash later (was pretty ok with this as they were all pretty hot and i was fine watching and we had invited ourselves as girl night was proving a little less entertaining.) all they did was play pool, smoke durries, do burn outs in suburbia, make massive fires in the back yard and talk about girls while smoking weed, drinking bourbon and wrestling. my favourite part was when they had little shot gun sessions throughout the night where they all went off in a line and encouraged each other..  it was so weird but refreshing because it just made me love boys even more because i still can't figure them out.



  1. intrigued by the mysterious lady slayer..

  2. Chanced upon your blog and enjoy reading it!

  3. Wow i love your blog!!:):) i'm following you, visit my blog if you want .)

  4. finally a new post!! i check this page like erryday haha. hilarious as always liz, p.s its jade, i put anonymous cause i dont have any of the other options haha

  5. jade longstaff? oh my god girl it's been ages!! remember when you guys used to get me to read them out to the flat. more posts coming soon. xox

  6. adoring your blog!

    lots of love from the c&p girls,
    the casper&pearl blog