I'M BACK.

1. SHITTY SERVICE

ohh, i GET it, you're paid to be angry at me, the customer - as i ask a simple question like where are the man jamies. or, are there any smaller sizes of these man jamies. (pajamies..). nah FUCK YOU UGLY DYK i came into this fucking store to do ma thang and find me some lifestyle accessories and i get some horsey assed face giving me a look that the lord would not appreciate! no shit, the shock on her face when i asked her a question was kind of gag worthy. as in she stood with her borderline man mustache mouth gaping at me with a raised eyebrow puffing and breathing way too heavy at my existence. i'm sorry.. didn't mean to break up ya little work romance convo yo had goin on there with ya man friend (lets be real, your facial hair is growing wilder than his). oh honestly this bitch got up my ass like a pair of silky unds. not ok.

2. FEELINGS

sweet lord, with more life experience i feel like i have to apologize to all those love fucked bitches out there who are constantly reblogging the old 'why doesn't he love me' shit. i get it now, i for reals understand ya pain that chu living in! but tumblr aint gon help you girl, postin naked pics of yourself aint gon help either! it may get you some followers though.. (and lord knows seeing that number rise is like the beginning of a climax). nah, but in all seriousness. feelings are pretty shit and they bring your whole day down. end of story.

3. PEOPLE WHO LIE ABOUT LOVIN THE LDP

so sick of everyone pretending they don't like havin a casual pash and shit. don't even lie you loved that late night hookup. you especially loved when he .. yeah anyway. no point saying that stuff is gross when you genuinely wanted him inside you ok. because word might get out and next time you;re gaggin for it, he'll assume you aren't keen. (ldp - lie down pash, new plym)

4. THE SLY ONE UP

yeah don't deny it. we all love knowing that we're better at shit than someone else. the old 'well atleast im not '..' she never gets any guys and her paintings suck' then all of a sudden missy over here gets drawing lessons and starts papsin on all the hot arty boys. aye? it makes you wana get up and better your life except after a while you realise you're just really hungry and sleepy and you want to die in your bed eating your favourite food. because what's life worth living if '..' is now cooler than you. joking, obviously this has never happened to me.

5. STATUS DELETE

if no one likes it within 5 minutes, i'm officially embarrassed and i'm going to delete that shit. you gotta word it perfectly, it's gotta roll off the tongue. haha if i get a min of 10 likes i'm happy, fuck this is tragic. but totally totally satisfying.

6. BOYS WHO GENUINELY THINK THEY'RE THE EXCEPTION TO THE SNEANS/BOARDIES NO GO RULE

no. there will never be anyone that will ever look stylish in sneans unless the shot is waist up, and they're topless, or the sneans are invisible, or they're wearing boardies.. in the sea.. covered by vicious vicious waves. i'm not a superficial bitch. i mean, if the last guy on earth wore sneans id probs go for it, but heres what i think when i see a sneaner, or an out of beach boardies wearer: (insert nice guy name here, think, murray, or peter) haha who am i kidding they aren't nice guy names's they're dad names. anyway - obviously peter feels that he may need to suddenly break into a sudden sprint at any point in time, why else would he be wearing his new runners whilst shopping. murray in boardies obviously sees it as a practicality issue aswell, if it rains, not a problem. but see - i could just wear a rash shirt and justify it the same way. ha.. ha..